Today was Ian's first day of preschool. I anticipated that he would put the brakes on as soon as we got to the door and be a weepy mess that the teacher would have to peel off of me so I could escape to my car. What I did NOT anticipate is that my sweet baby would march on ahead of me, enter the classroom without looking back, and leave me weeping in the hallway, blindly feeling my way down the hall behind my sunglasses, fleeing to the light where my car was parked so I could call David and incoherently sob (so much so that he thought there was an actual emergency), "He didn't even look back!!".
Didn't see that one coming.
Sending the baby off to school (albeit 2 mornings a week for 3 hours) just feels like a game-changer to me. I am less needed. I am floundering a bit. There are about 5,483 things I could do during that time (and those aren't even the fun things, mind you!), but not having the Bean with me makes that time suddenly feel a whole lot less important.
This post isn't all depressing, though. Bean had a GREAT time. When I went back after pick-up for his parent-teacher conference, he ran right back into the room and happily showed me his painting of Clifford. But still, this day got me contemplating a bit. He still needs me, but maybe a teeny-tiny bit less. So why do I feel like I need him even more?
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